Room Service vs. The Empty Bowl

The Crisis of the Ceramic Bottom

There is no greater tragedy than seeing the white porcelain at the bottom of a food dish. To a hooman, it looks "half full." To a cat, it is a Tier-1 System Failure.

Negotiation Tactics:

  • The Pathetic Whimper: Sit by the bowl and look as though you haven't eaten since the mid-1990s.

  • The Trip-Wire: When the hooman walks toward the kitchen, weave between their legs. This reminds them that their mobility depends entirely on your caloric intake.

  • The Song of My People: If it is 5:00 AM, sing at the bedroom door. Volume should be proportional to how much of the bowl is visible.


Was this purr-fectly clear?